Weeeeeeel, I'm back. Having said that, there have been a few raised eyebrows regarding my strategic analysis of various teams in my previews ... so I've invited a friend of mine to do the analysis for me. The interview format makes a slight change for our regular readers, but you know what they say: A change is as good as a South Korean Chinese massage at the Night Markets.
Mr Ed: Welcome to our weekly preview everyone. I'd like to introduce our guest Captain Obvious. Captian Obvious is a keen observer of life, but only ever responds with obvious observations. No in-depth analysis for him, no sir! Oh, and he sometimes speaks Spanish. Good morning Captain!
CO: Buenos Dias singior.
ME: So, tell us how you think the first game will go down
CO: Are you stupid, Meeester Ed? It is obvious!
ME: Please, go on.
CO: Empire Strikes Backhand will win.
ME: OK ... but Meow have been so dominant in the last few weeks, please explain?
CO: Aye Carumba! With so many players out, what else can be the result?
ME: Well hang on, who's out from Meow?
CO: Obviously, Alecha, Tyler and Dylan all have the Bentley Park Sports award night and Cooper has ... how do you say? The Interview for the job. Oh, and Ryan has had his shoulder torn off by wild lions.
ME: Wild LIONS? Are you sure?
CO: Kehpasa! You want me to know everything? Maybe lions, maybe a motorbike injury ... who knows?
ME: Wow, that is a problem. So, what do you think Meow is going to do without such key players?
CO: Bailey and Jay will, of course, be a force to be reckoned with and they still have some quality cutters. It goes without saying they will work it up the middle ... as you say ... "Dump - Swing - Dump - Swing".
ME: And if all else fails, Bailey has the Elder Wand ... he could magic the win.
CO: Non! That joke was stupid last week and it is even more stupid this week. It is cest ridiculous!
ME: You know what's ridiculous cap? The fact that you're suddenly speaking French!
[silence]
CO: Not my fault. I'm your fictional character.
ME: Ixnay on the fictional-characteray!
CO: Sorry. I forgot. I am a real person. I have always been a real person. I will always be a real person! These are not the droids you are looking for!
ME: These are not the ... HEY! Anyway, tell me about Empire. What's their plan?
CO: Plan? They don't have one. Liam Hucking to Jacob isn't a plan.
ME: Anything else?
CO: Well, there's always the new guy ... he's coming along nicely.
ME: He is, I agree. But what happens if Liam or Jacob get injured?
CO: Not a problem. Nick Murray has a right wrist of steel ... that bad boy has been 'conditioned' for many, many years. He's been saying for years "It's all about technique".
ME: I see ...
CO: Anything else you want to know?
ME: Well, I suppose a score prediction?
CO: 10-7 ... to Empire. Anyone who thinks either of these sides is playing Mizair is an idiot.
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